This is my family.

We have book clubs where we both read different books but at the same time.
He cooks. I clean.
He does the dishes. I sweep the floor.
We like How I Met Your Mother and coke.
Speaking of coke, we drink out of the same can.
It saves money.
We are poor in money but rich in loveeeeee.
We are Houstonians! Or we will be soon in the next 2 weeks.
We sleep in the same bed. oooooh. It's cause we are married.
We love our brothers. And we hate when they are sick :(

That last part was pretty random. Srybouttht.

Mathew 8

What strikes me about this story is the stuff we don't know. What I mean by " don't know" is that it can be known. 

I know a centurion with no legal family.

I know two years of commitment. (I know five years of commitment but that's a different story, my friends.)

I know pain.

I know seeing someone you love, anyone in pain.

I know treacherous travel and doubt and regret and blame.

I know Romans and I know Gentiles. (After all, I am one.)

I know truth. I know the sweet sound of truth. I know the sweet sound of the first truth.

I know the liberating warmth of belief . I know liberating warmth of repentance. I know liberating warmth of acceptance.

I know faith. I know bent knees. I know unworthiness. 

I don't know the language a heart speaks when lips are drowned in tears.

I don't know that I would travel as far as the soldier did, to meet the Son of Man. But I do know that if I did meet Him, I wouldn't let him go. I would probably ask him to come home with me and heal my loved ones. I would ask him to give me money and sooth my heart. I would tell him about the starving orphans in Africa and the slaves in America. I would fill his ears with so many words and I wouldn't allow him to say anything back. I wouldn't let him leave. And I wouldn't leave either. And that would (possibly...probably....maybe if I) make him sad. But really, I don't know. I just think he'd probably be disappointed, if I ever met him.

Sometimes I pray to God for new names. Its just something weird that I do. But I would like to be the centurion now if that's okay, Lord. 

Luke 11

I've decided to start journaling again. I've missed some really awesome memories because I stopped journaling 2 years ago.

Anyways, I have a really insignificant story to tell. For the past few years I've been praying for a friend. Sometimes I would cry to Lee and he would pray for me. Sometimes I would just say "God I need a friend."

Now this is not to say that I don't have some already amazing friends. At my bridal shower I had over 20 girls there that I know love me and I love them too. I have good friends.

Yet I still found myself praying for a friend. Please God. Give me a friend. I just felt something missing.

Guys. I made a friend.

A few months ago God kept telling me to introduce myself to this girl at my church. I figured she was in her mid 20s because her husband looked to be in his late 20s. I ignored Gods promptings thinking "God I need a friend. This girl will not be my friend. I need a friend. Please send me a friend." I never introduced myself. I'm too shy for my  own good.

This girl and I have crossed paths now. She is one of my closest friends. She always says she wished we would have known each other sooner. She's moving right after I get married and then I'm moving in August. Maybe we'll both move to Houston. Who knows? She's 21 just like me. A newly wed just like I will be.

I love this girl, y'all. Like, Lee should be worried she's gonna steal me.

God is good. He knows what is good for me. He wants me to have what is good for me. Today I listened to this radio podcast and the pastor compared God to the GPS voice lady. God has a plan for us and sometimes we miss it. When we miss it he doesnt get angry. He "recalculates route". He is sad for us that we missed what was our best option. But he still showers us with his love. God loves me so he gave me Annie. How insignificant is a girl friend to the God who created the universe? Not insignificant. Very significant. He wants for me because he loves me. If I had listened maybe I could have had her for a long time.

I wonder what else God has told me to do but I just wasn't listening. I wonder how many times I've turned off my GPS thinking I knew the way and I didn't.

Annie told me that God told her he wanted to heal this man she saw at the HEB. Later she got very upset because she was too bashful to ask him if she could pray for him. I calmed her and told her that God only wanted to share his desire with her. He wants what is good for that man.

God wants what is good for me.

Anyways... Annie showed me this video and I think it's neat. I really love God. And my husband to be, Lee. And Annie and Matthew. God really knows what is good. He knows what is good for me. This is such a simple truth that is really bamboozeling me right now. Which is why I'm blogging.

How can we not see that God has what is good for us?

I leave you with this:

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11

Fijance

I have a little nickname for Lee. I call him my Fijance. I think it's cute. Lee doesn't love it. He prefers fiance because.... WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!!

Where he popped the question the morning after.

A proposal story:

On Saturday morning I had a list of things to do including clean my car and straighten my frizzy hair. Lee had other plans. He texted me to have an overnight bag packed and ready to go by 5! I had been expecting a proposal for a while now. So I threw a "proposal dress" (The dress I imagined blowing in the wind as Lee got down on one knee.) and some bangin jewelry to wear on Sunday (the day I assumed he was going to propose.)

We began to drive and quickly I realized where we were going. Barksdale, TX, Lee's hometown! I was glad because I LOVE going there. I fell asleep and enjoyed the rest of the ride dreaming up how he was gonna pop the big question! A few hours later, we pull up to his Mom's house around 8pm. She quickly hands us flashlights and Lee says "we need to go find your present". (My birthday was a few days before).

A small fraction of the beautiful lights that lit our way.

And then I see it.... His Mom lives on a farm of about 15 acres. Throughout the farm I see about 50 lights all leading up to this (appearingly) huge lighted structure. I said "let's go there"! At this point I had everything figured out. Lee said he didn't have much money to spend on my birthday so what he had to give me was free: a prayer walk. As we walked guided by the lanterns lighting our way, we stopped at four different prayer stations.

Station 1:

Thanksgiving: Take turns thanking God for ways He created each other.

Station 2:

Confession: On a rock, write ways you have hurt one another.
Then spend time asking God to help you  to not do that in the future.
Throw the rock into the field symbolizing that your leaving the hurt in the past.

We had a competition to see how far we could throw our rock. Lee won!

Station 3:

We spent the most time at this station taking turns praying
for one another. It was my favorite part of the whole proposal!

Station 4:

At this point I was ready to run towards the place sparkling with lights. But we took our time walking by the lit up river. Lee started telling me how  much he cares about me and how special I was to him. We finally arrived at what I then knew was a tree with about 30 lights hanging from it's branches. Next to the tree was this bench, table, and picnic basket filled with grape juice, bread, and chocolates. I sat down and he poured me a juice.

Then Lee was getting really antsy. He pulled my juice away from me and told me to go stand under the princess tree. I went and stood under it and Lee stood behind me. I turned around and he quickly turned around too, still behind me. (I now know he was pulling out the ring.) He then grabbed me and pulled me really close and started to dance with me. He said some really special (but private) things to me. Then he got down on his cute little knee and said "Sosina Kesewah Haile, Will you marry me?" I remember clapping and then hugging him and sitting down with him (because he was still on his knee). I was so surprised about how beautiful my ring was! I took it out of the box to look at it and handed it to him so he could slip it on my finger. He was so proud of himself for knowing which was the correct hand and finger.

Then we went and sat on the bench again. He told me all about how he planned and executed our engagement. David Han and Cameron, his friends, had drove up to Barksdale that afternoon to put all the lights and signs!   I asked him if I had said "yes!" because I couldn't remember. My sweet finace proposed again so I could say yes and have a memory of it! Then we walked back being all lovey dovey and stuff because it was freezing!

The ring:
My ring is perfect. Lee had it specially made for me in London which makes us sound all fancy smancy and stuff. We're really not! Lee keeps saying how it's the heaviest ring ever becase he payed for it in pounds. Haha. Its a princess cut solitaire. The band is a twig because  I have an intense tree love and he loves all things nature. We haven't taken a picture yet because we only have iphones. But maybe my photographer Mama will get some later on.

So much thanks to our Mom who made it all happen! She had a hand in everything!

Remember When I was Gonna Post Positive On Mondays?

Well I forgot. Sorry.

I've been reading lots. Here's what I've been reading:

The Hunger Games Trilogy:
I highly recommend this trilogy. And if you didnt like The Mocking Jay, then I will fight you to the death. SPOILER WARNING. I think the way the characters changed and evolved was completely natural. I think readers wanted to see Katniss and Peeta be the same way they were in the first two books. But I love a book with good character development, even if it's negative (I'm a pessimist remember?).

Matched & Crossed:
I read these books because I was really into the future-post-Apocalypse-society-change genre (because of Hunger Games). They aren't that good... I wasn't all wrapped up in Ky and Cassia's love story. I think she should have stayed with Xander. Xander is truly what Cassia wants. I think The Society orchestrated the love between her and Ky, more than they did The Match between her and Xander. I guess we'll see in the third book. Yes, I'm gonna read it even though I didn't love the first two. I get invested in the lives of the characters.

Nancy Drew:
I love Nancy Drew. It's so classic. And the mysteries are so good. I own all of them from my childhood and I'm having a blast rereading them. If you don't like mysteries or Nancy Drew, I suggest reading a book from your past. It brings back all these wonderful nostalgic feelings. For me I remember hanging out at Borders, playing lava on the children's area floor by stepping on only the planets, until I reached the Nancy Drew section where I'd grab a few and beg my Dad to get me all three until he let me choose just one.

I've read 7 books so far in 2012. I'm working on my 8th right now. It's called Gathering Blue. I've read it before but I can't remember why it was one of my favorites. I love reading. It's my favorite. Especially if this is within view of my reading chair:

I love that man. Happy Tuesday!

Monday

I tend to lean more towards pessimism than I do optimism. (At least in my head.)  So I've decided to take the most pessimistic day of the week (Monday) to blog on something that is currently making me very happy. This will be a weekly thing.  (I hope.) (Hmmm I might overuse parenthesis.) (())


This is Angela. She's my bestfriend.

We share a love of haystacks.

She cracks me up!

We're rude. Who takes a sitting down picture in the middle of an ice rink?

We think a lot. Mostly about how perfect we are as bffs.

Add caption

Well, SHE GOT ENGAGED THIS WEEKEND!!!!

Welcome to the family Jeremy!!!

Ephesians 6

Put on the full armor of God!


the belt of truth
the breastplate of righteousness
feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace
shield of faith
helmet of salvation
sword of the Spirit (the word of God)

Me:

My Future

I want to live in Colorado.
     I want four seasons. I want Lee to finish school there.
I want to live in Africa.
     I want to bring hope to the AIDS epidemic. I want to visit my family.
I want to live in Dallas.
     I want to paint the town yellow with Angela and Lisa. I want to stay in Texas.
I want to live in Boerne.
     I want to put my hope chest in the front room. I want to plant a garden.
I want to live in Washington D.C.
     I want to have hardwood floors. I want to eat at Shophouse.
I want to live in Mexico.
     I want to watch TV with mi famila. I want to pray.

I want to be a school teacher.
I want to be an elementary school counselor.
I want to join the peace corps.
I want to be a missionary.
I want to be a nurse and a social worker and a nanny.
I want to be a stay at home mommy.

I want a 5 year old.
I want to adopt a 10 year old when I turn 22.
I want a baby.

I want to love others first.
I want to be selfish.

I want to lay down and be lazy and eat neapolitan ice cream and watch Lost.

I want to marry this good looker.

Happy New Year

2011 was my forgettable year. I didn't journal (for the first time ever since I was 13). I barely blogged (too busy and stressed to try). And I didn't take any pictures from my own camera (because it sucks, and Lee's iphone is much more fun).

For many reasons I wouldn't mind pushing 2011 to the deepest cobweb filled corners of my mind. This year gave me a swift kick in the hiney. I moved back in with my parents. I took 45 hours of college credit. I fought a whole bunch with Sir Morgan. My New Year's Goals still remain mostly unattained.

But I could never forget 2011. I loved every month, every week, every hour, and every minute of it. I fell in love. Over and over and over. (With the same person, duh.) My broski graduated. I traveled all over Texas, and to New York/New Jersey. I took huge steps into securing a future. I grew up some.

2011, you tossed me around a little but honestly... I loved every minute of it. ;)

I rang in the New Year in a Motel 6 off Bandera Road with the Morgan 5 (Lee, Me, Clint, Jill, and Travis). We were all half asleep and full of Whataburger. It was peaceful and calm and really really joyful. I like joyful.

As for New Year's Resolutions? I'm going back to "be happy" since that works for me.

To Be Or Not To Be

That's not my question.

When desperately needing help...
is it better to call someone who you know cares about you but probably won't come...
OR

someone who will come but will add insult to your injury

                                                        sarcasm to your sickness

                                                        pain to your problem?

That's not my question either.

My question is: Why are those my only two options?

A Poem: Entwined

Who (but every married non-Mormon American) would vow to a curse?
Not I!
The words "I do" won't pass my lips if the preacher dares include "as long as we both shall live".
I will throw my peonies and baby's breath in his face screaming "not even death can part us"!
For my heart will always be for you, my husband.
As long as I'm living my heart will beat for you.

And when I die, you will bury my body beneath our favorite mesquite tree where you hung a swing so we could sit and sip our chocolate milk.
I'll be deep enough that worms will make love above my body
but shallow enough that i will hear the whispery creaking swing when you miss me. And alas...
My heart will decompose for you, my love.

When my heart has been dirt for ages, dandelions will take root in my atrophied arteries.
They will produce such flowers so high and thick that neither weed whackers nor herbicides can prevent their resilience.
For each flower murdered by the hands of the gardener, thirty more will bud before the next week.
My heart will grow for you, my darling.

Sticky six year old fingers will yank my stems from the soil. Popsicle covered lips will be pressed to my silky seeds. Pieces of spit and peanut butter fly along side my broken seedhead as the wind acts as accomplice to rob me. And as my seeds touch the sun and turn into lacey parachutes
My heart will wish for you, my sweet.

It will wish and pray and know that our souls are in heaven.
With my pinky between your thumb and your pointer, we lift our hands high.
We cast our crowns to the feet of the Creator. We cry out praises to the One who envisioned our hearts entwined from the beginning when the Word was God and the Word was with God.
My heart is with you.

Thanksgiving

High: 

After a long nap, Lee and I walked over to the abandoned mill. We experimented with Instagram and dreamed about the future. Oh... and we might have snuck in some two-stepping, kisses, and the discovery of a mule skeleton

Low: 

I partied a little to hard with all that turkey, mashed potato, and apple pie. I was trying to compete with Travis who can eat anything because honey badger don't care. Well I lost and ended up throwing up in the wee hours of the morning. 

Thanksgiving with the MorganTaylorHungers is one of my favorite times of the year. 

I always leave feeling peaceful and loved. In fact, Thursday night/Friday morning 

my heart was so full I'm surprised I didn't explode. Clint had just left for Uvalde to drive his new girlfie home. Lee's dad was playing solitaire on the computer. Lee and Travis were playing some shootemup game. And I was snuggling on the couch with the dogs. Life was so normal and smooth. So of course my eyes got all watery because I'm so thankful to God and seriously guys, I receive His grace in vain.

So in honor of Thanksgiving: I'm still thankful for this guy.

He still gives me butterflies when he walks into a room, y'all. I'm thinking I'm gonna keep him.

Family

Webster defines family as : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head. 

(One head? Whatheffffheck does that even mean, Webster?)

I define family as : a bunch of crazies who fight hard and love harder. 

Also they clean each others toilets for each other. (As being done by my bestfriend roommate sister as I type.)

Well this is my wittle family. 

Yes, I gave birth to all of them. 

By give birth I mean, I've been nannying for them since I was taller than the the oldest! 

We fight lots. We love lots. I've been blessed with another year with them and I can't hide the oodles and oodles of joy I feel thinking we'll be together for another round of birthdays, growing up firsts, weddings, cheerleading, and tantrums! 

Plus I just really like that picture.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack

Tomorrow is my 2 week anniversary of surrendering myself to God.

It was long overdue, y'all. Have you noticed my absence of blogging lately?

[Probably not. Which is okay its whatever ;) ]

But its because I've been struggling with the big D.

[No not diarrhea you nasty, people. Why would that keep me from blogging?]

Depression.

[i had a paragraph written here but decided to delete it because im not sure i trust everyone who reads my blog. i decided not to go into details about my depression. wanna know more? just ask.]

I surrendered to the King of Kings, y'all.. I cried a bunch. I smiled a whole lot more. All this PAIN was completely lifted off me. Pain I didn't even know I had. But all of a sudden I felt light. 

Light as in:
of comparatively little physical weight or effort AND
a device serving as a source of illumination.

It's truly unexplainable.

And I'm not a health-and-wealth-prosperity-gospel* kind of girl. In fact, I think that following Jesus is incredibly hard. BUT upon surrendering myself to Him, I gotta tell ya, life has go t a whole lot better. I'm a lot happier. Fuller. Lighter. ;)

A lot of good things have been happening to me. I think He's just trying to show that He loves me very much and how happy He is that I have returned.

Life's good! I've been joking around a whole lot more (like my former self). My mom never understands my jokes and my boyfriend the other day said "I'm not used to you joking!" 

I love life. But I believe that Jesus is even better!**

*if youre easily offended, or pastor hagee, i dont suggest you look at that link ;)

**its a Vineyard thing.

HP Spoiler Alert

Yeah yeah remember when I said I wasn't gonna see HP7#2.
Well my BFF Angela told me I was being stupid so she bought me
and Lee tickets and we saw it last night. This sums up our experience:

 It was a really good movie (when I ignore all the parts that didn't align with the books). 

I'm annoying when I'm being a book elitist, I know, Lee reminds me.

Parts I Cracked Up At:
1. Everytime there was a close up on somebody's face. Especially McGonnagal. They were beggin for kisses. And me and Angela delivered. Nahhhmean?
2. Harry is frantically running to find the last Horcrux and he booty bumps a Ravenclaw on the stairs! And it's incredibly awkward because he stops running (even though theres no one shuffling past him anymore) but she keeps running like she didn't even notice. I'm confused!
3. When Harry wriggled out of Hagrid's arms and dropped to the group in a big heap. Aren't you supposed to be like saving the world or something? At least land on your feet, sir.
4. Neville on the bridge, Hagrid in the forest, Ginny seeing Harry. <-- All LOL moments.

Parts That Were (for lack of a better word) Epic:
1. The Hogwart's statues coming to life. Looked soooo much lamer in my head! Way to go, David Yates!
2. Molly killing Bellatriz. Bad word! Kapow pa waaaaaaaaa!
3. Neville climbing back up the bridge. How'd you get so hot Neville??? Huhhh? I wish they'd included his grandma in the movie. She was a warrior in the books.

Parts I Cried At:
1. Oh wait... I didn't. In the middle of the "Death" scene Angela turned and said "Are you crying?" I said "No." Then she not-so-whispered "You cried when Dobby died and can't even shed a tear for Lupin Tonks or Fred???" Nope I can't. Dobby was a champion and deserving of my tears. I LOVE SPEW!
2. I did get a little glossy eyed during the Snape <3s Lilly scene. I love me some Snape. Always did!!!!!!!!

HOPE Y'ALL HAD A VERY POTTER WEEKEND!

Mr. M Feel Gooood

I adore this picture. J'adore. 

I'm gonna show it to our kids in a decade or two. 

They'll probably squeal and cover there eyes because they can see daddy's hairy chest and mommy's buttocks. I'll hush them and tell them all the 

oh so exciting edge of your seat stories 

about our gardening, sewing, table-building, intervarsity college days. 

I'll tell them all the bad stuff too though; so they don't think we're too perfect.

All the fighting, crying, breaking up for five minute stories.

They'll think their mama is crazy and their daddys a hero.

And I'm OK with that.

A Poem: I Disagree, Mr. Frost

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life
... It goes on." said Mr Frost as he took my hand helping me scale that snowy bank.
I disagree.
Like a galloping horse to a familiar farmhouse, life halts.

You came with a hammer and a nail promising
halls and yellow walls and a cabinet in which I'll hang my heart.
Oh lover, what was that hammer for? 
Tell me you were distracted (by my naive eyes
not your your lies, in the picture
you meant to hang) so you miss swung.
That you cut your hands
fighting through the cabinet's
falling glass,
flailing to catch my heart before it plummeted...
onto your hammer... repeatedly.

Mr. Frost, just as sure as we are stopped
in this woods pondering which road to take, life too stops surely.
He nodded his hopeful head and continued right.
I went left and for his sake, I pray our outcomes differ.

Sassy Sosi

Apparently this is my sassy face.
Thanks for putting up with me, friends.

Ouch!

I wrote a poem. That I don't feel like sharing just yet. But here's what I'm thinking:

I'm a really big sinner. Like extremely. I lie. I cheat. I gossip. 

But my biggest sin (in my opinion, not God's) is my idol worship.

I've turned almost all of relationships with people I love into idols.
The world tells me that I am totally unlovable because
of A, B, and C aspects of who I am. The terrible parts of me I don't like people to see.
So when somebody does love me...

Ooooh what joy!! How magnificent that you could ever love me! 

Thanks for looking the other way to my disgustingness.

Why is this so bad?

Because trust in human beings is faulty.
And when you put trust in humans rather than in God your gambling your life.
And trust me when I say that you're not going to win.
I didn't. I haven't. The only way to guarantee life is to place that trust in the gospel.

The gospel: It says that I am loveable even with 

all of the crap that seeps through my perfect woman facade. 

Someone loves me. And that someone proved that love

 in a bigger way than anyone else can. No not dying on a cross.... 

Reconciling me to my Creator.

But whenever I forget that. And place my trust in Lee
(or other loved ones but lets face it, hes the most obvious),
I always end up hurting him.
Because he even loves me in the first place,
I expect perfect Christ-like unconditional love 
from him and when I feel like i'm not receiving that
I get angry. I want to scream YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!
YOU'RE A SINNER! I HATE YOU!
And this is all my brokenness talking.

I dont' feel like wrapping this all up neatly so I'll end with this:

On one low day, my staff worker Karen prayed over me. 

"Lord, we know that people are fickle. But you are faithful."

Samson

Just a thought: Samson wasn't some fool

who let himself be seduced by a sexy lady.

He was someone who had to make a choice.

Just like all of us. 

His hair represented:

* How God made him.

*Who God designed him to be.

*God's blessings to him.
*And God's perfect plan for his life.

But... because of these blessings. Samson was 

prone to letting the devil get a foothold 

in his life...Through loneliness....

And so the choices he made led to the demise

of a good life. He became codependent 

and let Delilah start thinking for him.

I wonder how things coulda been different

if Samson coulda just been stronger.

MY POINT: LIFE IS BETTER WHEN YOU'RE STRONG!