Sassy Sosi

Apparently this is my sassy face.
Thanks for putting up with me, friends.

Ouch!

I wrote a poem. That I don't feel like sharing just yet. But here's what I'm thinking:

I'm a really big sinner. Like extremely. I lie. I cheat. I gossip. 

But my biggest sin (in my opinion, not God's) is my idol worship.

I've turned almost all of relationships with people I love into idols.
The world tells me that I am totally unlovable because
of A, B, and C aspects of who I am. The terrible parts of me I don't like people to see.
So when somebody does love me...

Ooooh what joy!! How magnificent that you could ever love me! 

Thanks for looking the other way to my disgustingness.

Why is this so bad?

Because trust in human beings is faulty.
And when you put trust in humans rather than in God your gambling your life.
And trust me when I say that you're not going to win.
I didn't. I haven't. The only way to guarantee life is to place that trust in the gospel.

The gospel: It says that I am loveable even with 

all of the crap that seeps through my perfect woman facade. 

Someone loves me. And that someone proved that love

 in a bigger way than anyone else can. No not dying on a cross.... 

Reconciling me to my Creator.

But whenever I forget that. And place my trust in Lee
(or other loved ones but lets face it, hes the most obvious),
I always end up hurting him.
Because he even loves me in the first place,
I expect perfect Christ-like unconditional love 
from him and when I feel like i'm not receiving that
I get angry. I want to scream YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!
YOU'RE A SINNER! I HATE YOU!
And this is all my brokenness talking.

I dont' feel like wrapping this all up neatly so I'll end with this:

On one low day, my staff worker Karen prayed over me. 

"Lord, we know that people are fickle. But you are faithful."

Samson

Just a thought: Samson wasn't some fool

who let himself be seduced by a sexy lady.

He was someone who had to make a choice.

Just like all of us. 

His hair represented:

* How God made him.

*Who God designed him to be.

*God's blessings to him.
*And God's perfect plan for his life.

But... because of these blessings. Samson was 

prone to letting the devil get a foothold 

in his life...Through loneliness....

And so the choices he made led to the demise

of a good life. He became codependent 

and let Delilah start thinking for him.

I wonder how things coulda been different

if Samson coulda just been stronger.

MY POINT: LIFE IS BETTER WHEN YOU'RE STRONG!

Today Was One Of Those Days

that you pray to God and say:

"Thank you for this day. But no really. Thank you for this day. 

I know a million people all over the world are praying that exact thing 

right now but I want you, God, to know that I truly mean it. 

Because today was brilliant."

wakingupforrtyminuteslatebutgettingtoclassintimeanyways, eatingtacosalpastorwhichimissedsodearlyfrommexico, beingabletohavelunchmydearfriendvisitingfromcalifornia, gettingnotonebuttwopairsofnewglasses, hangingoutwithmybestfriendcandice, beingbeatbycandiceatvideogamesoverandover, sittingbythepooltalkingaboutGodandgettingmarried, thesmellofnewapartment, laughingoveryogurtparfaits, arandomphonecallapologyfromsomeoneineverknewneededtoapologize, forgettingimademybedandcominghometoacleanroom.

One sad thing: I sure missed Sir M a lot a lot. 

This Time Last Year

This time last year I...

1. began eating meat (June 1, 2010).

2. finally admitted to anyone who would listen that I was in L O V E. (June 7, 2010)

3. left for Mexico City and changed my life forever. (June 16, 2010)

Speaking of Mexico... 

I've been reminiscing on some moments there and I'd like to post them here.

I remember...

me and my roommate/sister, Sarah would always refer to ourselves as "we" even if we meant just one of us.

Sarah ordered enchiladas negras at TOKS and it was the most disgusting thing ever so we scooped some of my salsa onto it.

my brother David's eyes when he admitted his past drug problem to the naive missioneras.

feeling apathetic and lost and annoyed and wishing I was excited and faithful and loving.

saying "don't trust us. we're emotionally unstable."

my Papi told us me he was really really going to miss me after I ran around the house pretending to ber Buz Lightyear.

all the times I got caught buttnaked. Sigh.

swinging around my babygirl and hoping she knew I loved her.

winning the "who cried the most" award when we said goodbye to our families.

I know anybody who reads this won't understand 

why these moments were are my life. 

I've realized I don't talk about Mexico enough except

 for here and here. 

So in this month of June that's going to change!