Cornerstone Poster Child Is Not So "Poster" Anymore.

I'm bored with my blog being depressing and lame.
I only ever want to blog when I'm in a bad mood cause it calms me.
Moving on.....

Growing up Cornerstoney, we had this one amazing guest pastor named Jonny D. He'd come speak to us about 3 times a year during chapel and we all loved it. He always had a bandanna in his back pocket, sunglasses on, hightop chucks, band tee, jeans shorts, and a goatee to top all that off. So basically... He was cool and we respected it.

Something he taught us (imagine him saying it)...

So if my wife asks me for coffee, I'll go pour her a cup of coffee, add two sugars, no milk, and an ice cube or two to cool it down. I do this because I KNOW her. She didn't say to me "babe, can you get me a cup of coffee with two sugars, an ice cube, and hold the milk." No. I know my wife so well that she doesn't even have to ask and I will provide for her. Your relationship with God should be this way too. He should know you so well that you dont have to even pray and ask for it. You're just so intamite with God that he should know your heart and anticipate your needs.

So I used to think that was the most amazing metaphor/analogy/parable/whatever. But now since I'm oh-so-not-cornerstoney anymore, I've reevaluated and I disagree. I see in Matthew that when Peter begins to sink after walking on water he then calls upon Jesus for help using words. Only after Jesus hears Peter's plea does Jesus lifts him from the water. Jesus saw Peter sinking... He knew. He just wanted Peter to ask. Power of the spoken word.  Matthew 7:7 and 2 Chronicles 7:14 clearly states that we must come to our Father in prayer and once we ask we will receive. And lastly (can't find scriptural reference) somewhere in the Bible (probably Psalms) someone is praying and they basically plead a case to God. This is what I need; and this is why I need it; and this is how you can give it to me. Pray with confidence! Pray bold!

I like his whole idea of being intimate with God... But I think he may have confused a lot of students.

Most importantly I learned this about myself....
And this is important
I'm beginning to think on my own.
That took twentyish years.

Bored

I'm bored because everyone I know is doing something else.

That's all I really have to say. 

Mexico come quicker please.

Summer sucks.

Homesick

I can no longer live here.
It's not fair to other people that I live here.
It just makes relationships with people more difficult.
You need to relate to make relat-ionships.
And no one can relate to me.
Because I live here.
Not "here" as in San Antonio.
I mean HERE. In my noggin. Sosiland.

A longlong time ago my dear friend Victor Olivares said 

I live in my own little world. Everything is Sosiish there. 

Then a little while ago me and my friends went to go 

see Alice and Wonderland. They all said that while 

they watched the movie they felt like they were 

seeing the world through my eyes.

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what is is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?"

No more half mintchocolatechip half cotton candy with marshmallow on top icecream.

No more careless cellphone breaking.

No more forgetting my shoes at home.

No more spending hours diarying when theres cleaning to do.

No more reading books in languages I dont understand.

No more putting flowers in my pocket.

No more sleeping in the clothes I want to wear the next day.

No more being afraid of birds but wanting a duck so bad it hurts.

No more "car wash stargazing." 

No more pretending like I believe in time-traveling.

No more driving like I'm the only person on the road.

No more Sosiland.

I need to learn what the real world looks like. Where people know things. Like what an anvil is used for. And where people have opinions on things. I need to develop opinions on a world I've never lived in. It's time I go. I just didnt want to go alone... I'm a little scared and I'm hoping someone will meet me there.

This is me officially declaring.

My name is Sosina Haile.

Hello?

Secret Sunday

Patrick: You have the german Postsecret as one of your favorites?
Me: Yes...
Patrick: Can you even read german?!?!!?
Sosi: No, but I can still appreciate it.

So appreciate this Patrick Star!

Sie gelogen zu. ;)

I WOULD  LIKE TO DOCUMENT THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
no im not being dramatic. today IT happened. the IT i've dreaded since i was 6 or 7.
not cooooool! so not cool!

***********
Ok so I over reacted.. That mightve been the best day of my life... not sure yet. Yayayayayy?

Random thoughts at LaCantera

I'm at LaCantera right now peoplewatchingreadingbukowskiwritinginmygoldleafedpagediary.
But really I'm not doing any of those things. I'm thinking I guess. I could have done that at home but I'm glad I'm doing it here.

My thoughts inspired by LaCantera:

1. I'm terribly confused and inspired by the children I see roaming the mall allys.
Children = ten to fourteen years old.
Maybe I'm just bitter. I wasn't allowed to be in public without my parents till I was a junior in highschool.
Earlier than Blessie was allowed... but still very late.

2. Every 15 minutes the a public announcement is made that some author will be somewhere sometime this afternoon to sign some book that has something to do with barbecue sauce. I wish it was someone I cared about.  "Tori Spelling is here to give hugs and kisses and maybe even sign a copy of her bestseller, Mommyhood for you." or "Your true love will meet you at the bottom of the escalator in 15 minutes." And suddenly I'm reminicent of this time last year when I was so obsessed with autobiographies.

3. Is it OK to come to Barnes and Noble just to read? I feel like I'm stealing from the store and the authors if I just read the book while I'm here. Hmmm....

4. I wonder where Jesus would go to pray if He lived now-a-days. Someone recently asked me why I'm always at the park. And I was cheeky and said thats WJWD (what Jesus would do). And then I thought about it... He probably would always be at the park.. He was always on that hill praying ya know? But maybe he would adapt to this culture and pray.... somewhere else.

5.I can see these people's problems. I can see the brokenness. To my left is a gaggle of skinny-minny high school girls reading dieting tips from a magazine whoms editor I would like to kill. On my way in I passed a woman faintly smelling of baby vomit. Her tummy was round; still working off the weight she gained during her pregnancy. Makeup smeared under her eyes. No baby. Postpartum depression? Pray for her. I see a white haired cane baring lady... alone. Who wants to be alone with their thoughts? That's why I'm blogging. A man and his daughter have passed me several times. They haven't said one word to each other or even looked at each other. I know it's awkward, but just hug her! She won't push you away. Don't push him away.

Alright. Now I'm annoying myself. Back to Deepak Chopra.

You Wouldn't Get It.

Broken but Not Unmendable.

We don't place value on the children of God. 

A stripper should be just as treasured as baby Emma from next door. 

We are called to cherish both Heidi Pratt and Mother Theresa. 

Then who are we to measure the brokenness of humanity? 

Look at the pictures below. 

Who needs the love of Jesus the most to mend their brokenness? 

Sadness is sadness is sadness.

Your Silence Speaks To Me More Deeply Than Words Can Ever Say

STiM = So Terribly intense, Man.

       Ok so that was kinda lame. But seriously STiM, could you make me think "who is Jesus" and "who am I in Him" anymore than you did the first two???  STiM3 took me by surprise like an anthill in the middle of a Texan football field on Friday night.

       I'm so human it's disgusting. I don't live the gospel. I don't worship God with my actions through out day to day life. My heart is not focused on my Father. I get caught up on daily repetitiveness. Wake up. Skip class. Go to class. Facebook stalking time. Wash hair. Late night car conversation. Sleep. Wake up. Skip class...... I'm so busy living my life, I forget to die to myself.

       So now since I came to terms with STiM officially being over (till next semester), I had to reintroduce myself to the first love of my life. Hey Jesus. 'Sup? All these times I thought I was talking to Him in prayer, lifting my hands to Him in worship, serving Him in Intervarsity... And maybe I was. But as my body did one thing, my heart beat another, my eyes stared at earthly matters. Could ya please fix your eyes on things unseen, Sosi????!!

       But what's shoooomazin. (so amazing) is that amongst all these worries, fears, negativity, failures-- Jesus is still giving me an opportunity to love the heck outta Him. He doesn't turn me away because I suck. He embraces my humanity and kisses my lameness. God uses my weakness to glorify Him. He covers my failures with His omniscient blanket of grace. He promises.

ThanksabunchJesus! And you.. Thanks for reading;)

[My original post was going to be on the 

jazz ensemble that me and Lee went to go

see today. So sick. I'm kinda falling in love

with  music. I never used to be a huge 

"ohemgee music is my life" person. 

I prolly never will be. 

But tonight was awesome sauce.]

Ahhh Sleep

Tuesday March 30th:
I could not fall asleep till 4:30a.m. (technically on Wednesday the 31st). Thoughts were rolling through my head like Ashley on the treadmill Day 1 at the Biggest Loser Ranch. (She's come so far!) So I finished reading Kite Runner. (Go buy that book NOW! SoGood!) Slept until 9:30. God knows why because I don't have class till 5:30.

Wednesday March 31:
Because I had a test on Thursday I stayed on campus till 2 studying irregular verbs in the yo form. Then Lee picked me up and forced me to eat yummy fries at Whataburger. We talkedtalkedtalked (I talkedtalkedtalked?) till like 5ish and then I drifted off to sleep around  6. (Because who really knows when they fall asleep?) Four hours later I was awake and alert and had missed my two morning classes.

Thursday April Fools: I was in bed and knocked out at midnight. Woke up just now at 10:40.

Jesus, Thankyou for your rejuvination in the form of sleep.

:D