Prayer Needed Please

All of a sudden I don't want to go to Mexico. Not at all.
What if I'm supposed to be in San Antonio this summer?
Which I know is bollocks... Nonsense.

Hopeful.
Shocked.
Happy.
Too guilty to be excited.
Confident.
Humbled.
Excited to be sent by God.
Scared Poopless.


this is supposed to be me looking scared. 
i tried the biting my finger nails approach
but i looked like i was playing the harmonica. 
so this is as close as my modeling skills got to 
pure unadulterated FEAR.

So Much Movement Happens In Stillness

Life. is. too. still. right. now.
But I really shouldn't be complaining.

Do y'all remember that game called Perfection?
 Yes? Awesome. No? Ok so here's the gist of it. You
 have 25 tiny shapes you need to place in their specific
 holes in 60 seconds. The whole time this obnoxious
 timer is clickticksnickwicking and your heart is racing
 and youre hands are shaking and if only if only you
 could just find the star
 ~POP~
 the game board somehow springs and all the pieces
 are all over the place and you've gotta start over. But 
sometimes 60 seconds is too generous. You place that
 last diamond shape into it's space and you realize you still
 have about 15 seconds left. So you wait... And the whole
 waiting period is accompanied by that tocking of the
 timer but this time it doesn't bother you so much because
 youre done racing, you're simply waiting.
 
That's how I feel right now. Everything fits. Everything in 
my life is falling into place. Perfect relationship. Perfect friends. 
Perfect family. Perfect summer. But the catch is, even 
though you got all the pieces in on time, the game still POPS 
and all your perfect little pieces are blasted onto the
 floor or table or bed whathaveyou. 

I leave for Mexico June 16th. I'm hoping that's not the 
POP in my perfect little life. But if it is, Bring it on. I can do 
all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Ah remember how annoying these commercials were. Or how wonderful????

how to avoid rape


umm no thats not a coke machine. its a really clever (but inadequate) way to disguise youself in a way to stop a potential attacker. if youre being followed in the night... turn your dress inside out. simple.




this had to be blogged about.

wishes and nonwishes

things i wish i had:
1.
a friend who can draw tattoos on me. i wish i had a 
super artsy friend who could dedicate time with a fine 
point sharpie. that way i can forgo the permanence and 
all my tattoo dreams would come true even for a little bit. 
2.
confidence to wear my hair the way it begs to be worn. when 
i get out of the shower, when i wake up, when i get up after 
a couch potatoe day my hair looks the way it possibly was 
meant to look. but i'd rather people be like "oh hello sosi's face" 
then "oh hello sosi's hair". whats the point of being multicultural
 if i cant let my hair be itself.
3.
the single's collection by no doubt. i used to have it somewhere... 
ahh i remember. i stole it from my dad. hes so into 
no doubt its ridiculous. so i took it to put it in my 
itunes. but i dont use my parents mac anymore. and i dont 
even have an ipod or any other fancy shmancy mp3 player. 
im a straight up cd listener now. and i wish i have that album. its 
my absolute favorite.
4.
a macaroni tree. can you see how delicious that would be? no i 
dont think you get it. a macaroni tree! complete with spicy cheese 
sap. i think everything tastes better spicy. but i suppose this isnt
 possible. sigh. so instead of a macaroni tree i wish i had someone 
who would say "hey baby, im a big stong man and i'll 
make you macaroni any time you want." only i dont 
want that... exactly.


things im so blessed to have:
1.
bestfriends! i have the most wonderful friends. people who
 understand me. ive got my artsy farts that inspire me and 
create beautiful works (angela,blessie). ive got my sweetheart bffs
 who never get tired of hearing "oh my gosh candicepatrick i 
havvvvve to tell you...." and my blessing of a bestfriend who i 
spend entirely too much irreplaceable time with... lenlee.
 and ive got the two cutest friends in the world with their 
curly tails and gothic faces.

2.
an out of control imagination. oyy, so im at the dentist being a 
big baby so basically my dentist tells me he thinks 
my mind is overreacting because i have so much numbing 
stuff that its basically impossible for me to be in so much 
pain. instantly the pain stopped. if i didnt have 
this imagination, i couldnt be so innovative.

3.
im blessed to have no idea what day of the week it is! isn't
it wonderful to be young and fancyfree. not working or going
to school, just waiting for that blessed day in the middle of june
to go serve God in mexico. yes im enjoying it, its probably the
last time in my life this will be possible. so by now ive realized
it is saturday night/sunday morning. but only because
the new post secrets are up.


things i dont have, but im ok with that:

1.
meat in my house. go ahead and check in my cupboards 
or fridge. as far as im concerned, you won't find any type of dead 
animal. theres only 8 days left of my fast. i want to thank 
each of you who took a day or two and supported me in my anti-meat 
reliance-on-god-act. im celebrating with chicken satay and 
peanut sauce at the end of this. meet us at sakiras or somewhere like it.

2.
the pictures from my senior trip. they were on my old
old computer and i never did get them printed. but you
know that trip to san juan, puerto rico reminds me of money
spent under a false pretense of doing missions (not that i cared
at the time) but ended up wearing too much make up, fixating 
on oldtimey dresses and grandpa cardigans, and falling all 
over again for a boy who would break my ittybitty heart once 
again. so im ok with never seeing you pictures again! i really am:)

Food & RecWeek

walnut and pecan pancakes with crunchy peanut butter, greek honey, and blackberries
DOESNT THAT SOUND DELISH?

I came up with the best food combination ever yesterday too! Wholewheat grilled cheese, with spicy pepperjack, sprinkle cheddar, and spicy picante ramen noodles!  Of course I'm never the right one to TRY AND ACTUALLY CREATE the food. So I had help from my lovely assistant who I shall not name because he seems to likes it when I mention him in this blog.
I'm going to make those pancakes when I can afford to buy those supplies!

I'm turning into some sort of innovative master chef who can't cook. LIKE JULIA CHILD, but she can cook. So I'm wrong.


ANYWAYS, onto more important things. RECWEEK. I figure I will share a little bit so y'all can know why my past week really wRECked my life (in a good way)!! 

Community aspect: My FAVORITE thing about recweek is how we all get to know each other so well. You think you know someone by spending 68 hours a month with them.. Think again. I also love that we get to know so many people from other schools. I'll always have a place to stay at EVERY red river region school with an IVCF. So heres a couple of my favorite stories from this week: Ryan and I decided to hold long indepth conversations in kitty language (because we're annoying). So sometime in the middle of the day I'm trying to get his attention... and by now this is a totally appropriate way for me to communicate. So I say, "meow. meow. meooooooooooooow. MEOOOOOOOOW!" Ryan doesn't notice me, but the boy sitting in front of me does one of those half turns to see who I am without being rude. Meow.

Spiritual Aspect: I'm not going to go in depth on how God worked in my heart this week. Just because it's so intense. And I'm sure most of you won't believe me anyways. I'm so glad RecWeek exists. What better plans do you have for your week except to be fully engaged in The Word, to be constantly in an environment that promotes prayer, and to be fully focused on the Lord. If you want to encounter the Holy Spirit and have your life TRANSFORMED. This is it. So heres a quite simple story that really combated some of the ugliness in my heart and lies I've been telling myself for so long I didn't know they were lies. I was in the middle of my 3 hour retreat of silence, and I'm suddenly very annoyed by this butterfly near me. It lands on a building. It lands on a flower. It lands on concrete. It lands on a flower. It lands on the wooden staircase. It lands on a flower. And I'm thinking "How do you not get it!!!!!??? This is a flower!!!!! Half those things you landed on are not!!!! And can you please do this somewhere else where you won't distract me!!!!" But then suddenly I get it. EVERYTHING IN MY MIND CLEARS UP AND I REALIZE, this is just one of God's creatures doing what God intended it to do. Sometimes it misses the mark, but at least it tried. The cost of it landing on wood was so less than the gain of it landing on a flower. As I am also but a creature doing God's work. Suddenly I could see my fears, pride, and inadequacy through the eyes of my sovereign God. Revelations were made yadayadayada. Ask me about them.

I hope life is GOOOD. I hope you all are BLESSED to be a BLESSING! And Heyyyyyy I Leave For Mexico In Less Than A Month!!!

awful beautiful life.


I love this crazy, tragic,
sometimes almost magic,
awful, beautiful life

So this past last  week has been so crazy.
So crazy I don't even really have much to say.
My heart comprehends what my mind can't put into words.

Basically this is how this week has been,

Corinthians 12:9



However, as it is written:
   "No eye has seen,
      no ear has heard,
   no mind has conceived
   what God has prepared for those who love him."

Goodbye 604! Hello 522!!

So I took my little Sarah to the airport. Packed Peggy's stuff. Packed my stuff. Unpacked my stuff. And now I'm sitting at my parents kitchen table. Eating Ramen....

It's this weird mix of two cultures I know well and love. I'm used to eating Ramen because it's the only thing I have, sitting on my small bed at my apartment. And usually it tastes really goooood. It hits the spot and I actually crave Ramen. So I get to my parent's house and out of everything I could of picked in the cupboards, pantry, or refrigerator.... I unpacked my Picante Chicken Flavored Ramen. 

Newsflash: Ramen tastes much better at my apartment. Here is tastes like... Nothing.
This is me. Eating Ramen. Cool.
Weird.

 

My Hair's Always A Mess, So...


Gimme that girl with her hair in a mess 
sleepy little smile with her head on my chest
thats the you that i like best 
gimme that girl


I'm really not into the whole "I like girls in a teeshirt, and jeans, and no make up" idea.
(Boys, it doesn't make you the 'good guy' to say that. Then it just demeans the mascared and lipglossed woman who put on a dress and a cardigan. [In my opinion.] Appreciate us all dolled up. [In some cases,] It's when women feel their best. Appreciate us when were lounging around in our pajamas with a clean face. [In my case,] It's when women feel the most prettiest naturally. Just appreciate the woman regardless of whats on her face or body. Appreciate her confidence and her personality. I guess I have a problem with guys who say they "I like girls in a teeshirt, and jeans, and no makeup" because you're still focusing on the WAY WE LOOK. So no, you're not the good guy. How bout "I like girls who are confident and love themselves.")
But for some reason, I'm really into that song.

The Things Of May And So Forth

It is MAY, praise JESUS! I absolutely LOVE May. Even the name is cute. I'm shhhowappy.

I found this website called Cardboard Love. Evidently, the dude writes love notes on cardboard for his long distance lover and puts them on his site. I thought it was darling at first. Then the notes got sexier and sexier. Uncomfortable!!! It makes me think about how people are "in love" before they even start dating. What happened to plain and simple...
i like ya! Yet, this site is still uber cute and I appreciate that.

May also marks my last month before I go serve in Mexico. I feel prepared. I also feel like I'm probably severely under-prepared if i think I'm prepared... Make sense? I already have been told "Everything that you think defines who you are is going to change while you're there. God is going to turn you upside down and shake you around so that everything mixes up, and falls off, and gets stuck." I'm excited for that. But I'm afraid I'm going to come back and not want to be friends with the people I care about now. That scares me the most.

May means LenLee's birthday. May means summer time. May mean's matching tattoos with Ally. May means April showers paid off. May means Mother's Day. May means a dinnerdate with 3 generations of IV women. May means silly smiles and long nights. May means cowboys. ;)